Friday, March 28, 2008

Two Kids in a Grocery Cart

When I go grocery shopping, I use one of those extended carts which require half an acre to turn around in the store. On a good day, I only take out two or three senior citizens during my trip through the aisles. The cart is that long because it has a seating area for small children, complete with a double buckle system that can be pulled tight enough that the little buggers can't take deep breaths, let alone move. The only fault to the system is that their extremities are still free so that if the driver of the cart isn't careful, an entire shelf of chocolate fudge Jello pudding can hit the floor after a two-year-old takes a swipe at it with her left foot. Or so I'm told.

I'm proud to say that I can fit three of my children into the cart, securely buckled, and still have room for $300 worth of groceries in the cart. That leaves just one child to wander away from me and get lost. And that's okay, because going shopping with three children is quite enough of a challenge. Someone else can deal with the fourth one.

Today I had the luxury of shopping with just two kids while the other two were in school. The shopping trip took place after the hour-long drive to town, the two hours we spent at the doctor's office to confirm the clearing up of one ear infection and the development of one sinus infection, and the trip to the courthouse to license a vehicle. I thought that the 12 times the children ran up and down several flights of stairs in the courthouse would work to my advantage by exhausting them to the point of quietness. I thought wrong.

While I can't really say that they were naughty during the trip, I can verify that they were anything but quiet. The babbled on and on to each other, other shoppers, and the plastic dogs that they smuggled into the store without my knowledge.

I retained my patience, even through the 17 times that I stooped over to retrieve a plastic dog off the floor, until they began bickering like an old married couple.

One of the exchanges sounded like this:

4-year-old: "You don't know what you're talking about 'cuz you're just a baby."

2-year-old: "I not a baby."

4-year-old: "Are too."

2-year-old: "I NOT a baby. I Emma."


4-year-old: "Are too a baby. What's 2 plus 2?"

2-year-old: "I don't know."


4-year-old: "See? You're a baby, 'cuz you don't know math. You don't even know how to spell."

2-year-old: "I NOT A BABY. MAMA!!! I NOT A BABY. WAAAAAAHHHHH."


The 4-year-old was later recounting the day's events to his older siblings.

4-year-old: "See, the girl looked at my ears and my mouth, and then she said the doctor would come. So Dr. Seuss came in and made me cough, and she said she saw a great big slime of stuff back in my throat, so I gotta have that medicine."

10-year-old: "Dr. Seuss?"

4-year-old: "Yeah, Dr. Seuss looked at my gooky throat."

10-year-old: "Dr. Seuss writes books. He's not really a doctor."

6-year-old: "Dr. Seuss died. He's not even alive anymore. He didn't look at your throat."

4-year-old: "No, it wasn't a he. It was a girl. Dr. Seuss."

And this, my friends, is why I only go to town for groceries twice a month.

5 comments:

Jen said...

ROFLMAO Erin! Don't you just love those exchanges! I have a little exchange to write about, I'll do it on "the board" so I don't tie up space here. Luckily if I time my trips just right *not on a Friday* I only have 1 child with now unless I get REALLY lucky and dad agrees to watch her. Oh and if I do have to take Sutton with to get groceries I swear she turns into Elasta Girl and can stretch her extremities and body to the limit to reach something she thinks she needs LOL.

Treasia said...

How well I remember those days. Now I can relive them with my grandchildren. I can also take my grandchildren back home anytime. haha

Dana (The Homesteading Housewife) said...

I feel your pain!!
I'm the mom of 5 country kids...
aint it fun? lol

goin to take a look around. :)

BoufMom9 said...

LOL. Yep! Sounds about right. I dread shopping with the kids. UGH!
The last time I went...had to take all 9! UGH! Let me tell you how much fun THAT is! Nothing like a 13 yr old arguing the entire shopping trip with a 6 yr old over who gets the "prize" from the cereal box!

Let Them Be Little said...

Oh so that is what I have to look forward too when the baby decides he can talk? Maybe I will just hope he continues to communicate in grunts and pointing a drooling finger.

 
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